A Dinner Conversation with My Parents

Setting: Sevilla Spain Restaurant in Parsippany, NJ. Last night.

Characters: MOM, my mother. DAD, my father. STEF, my sister. ME, me. ANGELINA, my niece. WAITER.

MOM: So last night we talking...
ME: Who's we?
MOM: Daddy and me.
STEF: Oh...
DAD: We've made a decision.
MOM: We want another one.
ME: Another what?
MOM and DAD gesture towards ANGELINA.
ME: Uh...
STEF: Well....
ME: Uh...
MOM: What do you think?
STEF: I think that's impossible right now seeing as Jason is busy sleeping with my ex-friend...
ME: And, I'm sorta missing a vital part of the equation...
DAD: We know. But we have an idea...
MOM: Yes, when Jason comes next to see the baby...
STEF: I steal his sperm?
MOM: Well, let's face it...the only good thing he's ever done is...
DAD: procreate.
MOM: Artificial insemination.
ME: Enough.
DAD: What?
ME: Enough! This is getting bizarre.
MOM: We're just being honest about our feelings.
ME: You want one of your daughters to steal the sperm of her exfiance and you want me to have a child out wedlock.
STEF: Are you guys on drugs?
ME: Most of my friends parents would kill them if they got pregnant...and you're requesting that I do so?
WAITER: Can I get you something to drink?
ME: A pitcher of sangeria.
STEF: Make that two.


******This conversation is true. Completely, entirely true.